Lolita M. Domingue
I am a Marriage & Family Therapist in Upland and I coined this phrase as my philosophy to life. When I was a child, I used to hear, “It’s all done with mirrors” to explain magic tricks you would see in person or on TV. It meant that it’s not really magic, but an illusion. As I was growing up and developing an adult self, I questioned how and why people (namely me) had the personal and relational distress we experienced. It all seemed so mysterious, how relational events ebbed and flowed, and I felt powerless in and victimized by these events. Then I met my therapist. Because of her skill, insight and caring, I began to strip away the emotional layers I collected in all my previous years which formatted these perceptions. As I did, the landscape of my life opened up and my potential became accessible. I began to see that I could author my destiny in a real and tangible way.
Don’t get me wrong. It was often painful, but only briefly. It was often frightening, terrifying even. But I learned time and time again that the fear was only fear. It wasn’t a prediction of doom lurking on the horizon, or a repeat of previous failed circumstances. It was only fear. Every emotion is just an impulse of energy. I already survived the traumatic events I was running from. All that was left was to allow these imputes to run their course to completion unimpeded by me, my conditioning or my reflexes.
To pursue true healing is not easy, but it is really very simple. Most of the time it means just letting yourself fall when you trip. Heaven knows that trying to stop the inevitable consequences of our slips often leads to further injuries. Eventually, when I stopped expecting more from myself than my humanity, I stopped expecting it from others and life became even easier. Finally, the cherry for the top of this sundae dropped when I realized that every irritating foible I perceived in those around me and my own irritating habits and circumstances, were actually a reflection of a belief or emotional mechanism within me that I was, at best avoiding, or at its worst unwilling to own. It's ll done with mirrors, after all. And to change my irritation I needed to explore it from within, not from without. Surprisingly, my life became easier and this was an approach that could sustain me through it.
I was inspired to become a therapist and share my insights. This was great for me already. I love what I do, but my therapist all those years ago became my mentor and dragged me to a training in Emotional Transformation Therapy (ETT) when she learned about it. This was such a powerful experience that it has become my primary method for intervening in the emotional distress of my clients. It is faster, deeper and more comprehensive in it’s exploration of all the various factors involved in one’s emotional dys-regulation.
I was so impressed by the results I saw as I practiced ETT, that I decided to become a trainer to spread this groundbreaking treatment to other mental health practitioners.